Today we’re sharing insight from guest blogger Jill Bodensteiner, Senior Associate Athletics Director at Notre Dame. We hope you enjoy Jill’s wisdom and perspective.
I’m almost 25 years into my professional career, and I’ve finally figured out why most leadership books and professional development seminars don’t resonate with me. The answer is simple – because they are not about me! That sounds incredibly selfish (at least I’m self-aware…), so let me explain. The only success I have had in developing me comes from truly, deeply understanding me. I tend to really develop when I operate from the inside out, rather than from the outside in.
My inside out approach adopts elements of Daniel Goleman’s Emotional Intelligence and Carol Dweck’s Mindset – two exceptions to my normal disinterest in leadership materials. Although every aspect of Goleman’s work on the subject of EI fascinates me, his focus on self-awareness is what hooked me. From Dweck, I learned the difference between growth mindset (“I believe that I can grow in this particular area and am excited for the opportunity to do so”) and fixed mindset (“I am who I am in this particular area with no hope of growth so why bother”). Based on these two concepts, my game plan has been really simple and practical: 1) identify what you need to work on via self-assessment and 2) create an action plan to help you grow.
For anyone interested in adopting or perfecting this approach, be prepared to make yourself extremely vulnerable. With respect to the pain associated with making oneself vulnerable, it took me a long time to realize something quite obvious. Most of us go to great lengths to “hide” our weaknesses, especially in the workplace. The irony is that we spend so much energy hiding them, but in reality, they are usually quite evident to our colleagues.
My most profound experience with vulnerability relates to the significant social anxiety I’ve experienced throughout my life. I’ll spare you the details, but one of the ways my social anxiety manifested itself was near panic attacks in many public speaking situations. My voice would crack, the sweating was obvious, and my neck turned bright red and splotchy. Of course, the minute those symptoms would arise, the panic increased because I was certain everyone could see what was happening. During college and law school and for the first 10 years of my professional career, I never said anything to anyone about my anxiety. Not a single person. Why? Because I was afraid to be imperfect and afraid to make myself vulnerable. I was sure people would think less of me. Again, the irony here is obvious: every single person in the room with me during those anxiety-ridden moments could see exactly what was happening. I wasn’t hiding those episodes from anyone. I will never forget the enormous relief I felt when I finally put words to my anxiety. I went big – I told my mom and my (then) boss in the same day. The support I received from both was overwhelming, and my road to recovery started that day.
So how can you start this journey of self-assessment? Here are some practical tips:
- Keep a journal. Record significant instances where you were pleased and less than pleased with your role in how a situation unfolded. Look for consistent themes among the good and the not so good. This will lead you to conclusions like: “I need to work on my impulse control” or “I think I’m pretty good with empathy.”
- Example 1: I completely lost my temper during a frustrating customer service call with my cable provider.
- Example 2: A subordinate came to my office crying and I think I handled the conversation with compassion and in a way that added value to him.
- Ask people who love you to be really honest about the areas where you shine and the areas where you could use a little growth. Practice receiving constructive criticism with these safe people in your life.
- Help to create a culture at your workplace where feedback is welcome and expected. Give each other explicit permission to be honest. Ask for feedback.
- Take a professionally-developed emotional intelligence or similar personality survey or inventory. Note the key words and results in your journal.
Self-assessment is an ongoing process and you will never really be finished. But there will come a point where you should have enough data to create an action plan. Let’s assume you discover the following about yourself (this, of course, is based on the assessment of a “close friend”): I tend to process information relatively quickly, and so I get impatient in meetings when other people are processing more deliberately. I tend to react by either multi-tasking or impatiently moving the discussion forward. Sometimes moving forward is appropriate, other times it makes people feel that their opinions don’t matter.
What might your action plan look like? Each action plan will depend based on the person and the issues, but let’s say that my “friend” most frequently experiences her impatience during meetings of a certain committee. One element of the action plan might be to confide in a member of the committee, and ask him/her to call you out during (my “accountability partner” coughs when he sees me multi-tasking) or after the meeting. Although plans will differ considerably, your action plan has to be specific – you can’t simply say “work on my impatience.”
What’s The Risk?
The comprehensive self-assessment is really, really hard for a few reasons. First, it hurts. Depending on the issues discovered, the pain can be significant. Second, it is often hard for other people to be honest, leaving you to provide most of the data toward the assessment. Third, it takes a lot of time to conduct a thorough assessment. Don’t let these challenges stop you from taking the plunge! In my experience, the lessons learned greatly outweigh the risks.
The fact that you are reading a leadership blog means that you are likely ready for real growth as a leader. I encourage you to get started with that self-assessment. If you are anything like me, a thorough understanding of “you” might be the best leadership advice you can get. Enjoy the journey!
This content was written and shared by guest blogger Jill Bodensteiner.
Jill Bodensteiner serves as Sr. Associate Athletics Director at the University of Notre Dame. She made the move to the athletic department in July 2009, following 11 years with the Notre Dame Office of the General Counsel, including extensive work with athletics issues. In her current role, she serves as the athletics liaison to the General Counsel’s office, and plays an extensive role in national, university and departmental policy issues. In addition, Bodensteiner oversees a compliance office that works with student-athletes, coaches, administrators and others to facilitate a culture of compliance and integrity.
Bodensteiner oversees the department’s unique sport administration program by providing professional development and oversight to the 22 staff members who serve as sport administrators for the 26 athletics programs at Notre Dame. In addition, Bodensteiner serves as the sport administrator for the nationally-prominent women's basketball program, assisting Coach Muffet McGraw's squad on an administrative basis.
