Today we’re sharing insight from guest blogger Brittany Kirk, Client Manager at Gibson. We hope you enjoy Brittany’s wisdom and perspective!
Expectations are all around us. They live in our offices, homes, churches, and even within our very selves. They can push us along the path by helping us to achieve our goals, provide a sense of accountability, and keep us moving. But what happens when other people’s expectations of us don’t match our goals, dreams, or values? What happens when we let other’s expectations dictate our choices?
One of the most cited regrets is living a life we thought someone else wanted for us. Maybe it’s the son who feels like he has to be the football captain in order to be accepted by his father. Or the employee who feels pressured into a different position in order to feel valued by the company. Perhaps it’s the mom who feels like a failure because she’s not feeding her kids gluten-free, non-GMO, all organic foods and her house isn’t “Pinterest worthy.” Whatever it is for you, we all have areas in our lives in which we feel we must meet other’s expectations of us in order to feel valued.
But why? Why do we allow the outside pressures of the world to dictate our actions rather than living a life that is true to ourselves? We’ve decided to let fear of disapproval, fear of disappointment, and fear of being unloved rule over us.
At our very core, we all desire to live authentic lives. Authenticity is the degree to which one is true to one’s own personality, spirit, or character, despite external pressures. We were all created with unique gifts. We all have diverse talents. We all contribute something a little different to society. Leadership sees that uniqueness in each individual and works to cultivate it. It harnesses the strengths of each member of the team and establishes an environment of trust and transparency. As Stephen Covey writes, “Seek first to understand, then to be understood.” Only then can we develop synergy in our relationships.
In order to live authentically, we must be open and honest with ourselves and others about what we want in life. About who we want to be. About our dreams, our desires, our motivations. We must be bold. Push through the fear. Fight for the joy that can be found in living the authentic life for which we were created.
Of course, it wouldn’t be fair to just talk about the unhealthy expectations others place on us. We must also have enough self-awareness to see where our own expectations of others can cause tension. Are we concerned with helping those around us become the people they were created to be? Or do we spend more energy on changing them to meet our own needs?
If we are honest with ourselves, we all have instances where we have withheld value, approval, or love until our own agendas were met. But true servant leadership is always more concerned for others. True authentic leaders connect with people. And they bridge the gap between where their people are and where they want to go.
What’s The Risk?
The risk here is two-fold: both internal and external. At the end of my life, I don’t want to look back and see a life that was lived on someone else’s terms. I don’t want someone else to decide what my purpose is. I want to take responsibility for my life and I want to build it. Decide today not to be ruled by fear.
The other risk is in the people around us. We have a responsibility to help them become the people they were created to be. We have a responsibility to help them reach their full potential. And if we don’t, someone else will.
So find out what is important to those around you. Create space for them to develop and explore. See them for who they are, rather than who you think they should be, and watch them grow.
This content was written and shared by guest blogger Brittany Kirk.
Brittany is a Client Manager in the Employee Benefits Practice. She is responsible for providing renewal and service management for employee benefits clients including overseeing renewals and enrollments, maintaining policy data, the creation of employee communication materials, and conducting employee open enrollment meetings.
Prior to joining Gibson in 2014, Brittany held an internship with Indiana Farm Bureau Insurance in the claims department where she managed workflows to ensure optimal client experiences.
Connect with Brittany on Twitter or LinkedIn.
